Countess Reveals the Secret Etiquette for Meeting a Royal

(Image credit: Getty Images)

If you’ve ever daydreamed about meeting a member of the royal family, and panicked about the quality of your curtsy, you’re in luck. The American-born Countess of Sandwich has revealed the etiquette behind bowing, curtsies, and the formal protocol of meeting a royal.

“Royal etiquette has its roots in the medieval court, when every movement around the monarch signified loyalty and rank,” Julie Montagu, the Countess of Sandwich, explained in a video on TikTok. “How deeply you bowed, where you stood, and even how you approached the throne all reflected your place in the hierarchy” during that time period. It sounds like something straight out of a Philippa Gregory novel, but the good news is “over time, those gestures did of course soften.”

Julie Montagu and Megyn Kelly on Wednesday, May 9, 2018 — Julie Montagu, the Countess of Sandwich.

A Curtsy for the Queen — Princess Diana performs a deep curtsy to Queen Elizabeth II at her wedding.

Catherine, Princess of Wales curtseys to King Charles III as she attends The Order of The Garter service — Princess Kate shows off a perfect curtsy.

The Countess explained that “etiquette became less about fear of the monarch, and more about expressing respect.” Rather than a fear-inducing set of rules, royal etiquette became a “social choreography that held society together.” While some of those practices, like bowing and standing, are still a part of the royal experience, Montagu explained that today’s etiquette expectations are “much gentler and more symbolic.

“Traditionally, men perform a neck bow—just a gentle nod of the head, not dipping your head into your chest,” she demonstrated in the video. “When in doubt, just a warm smile and a polite greeting are perfectly appropriate when you meet a royal.” For women, it can be a little more daunting, given the lack of real-life applications for a curtsy. “But if you do choose to curtsy, it’s all about subtly,” the countess described, saying “it’s a soft, gracious curtsy, a tiny graceful dip.”

Curtsy For Queen Elizabeth II As She Leaves Hong Kong To Head Home — A woman curtsies when meeting Queen Elizabeth II.

US actress and fiancee of Britain's Prince Harry Meghan Markle (2R) and Britain's Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, (L) curtsey flanked by Britain's Prince William, Duke of Cambridge (2L), and Britain's Prince Harry (2R) who bow as they see off Britain's Queen Elizabeth II — Princess Kate, Prince William, Meghan Markle, and Prince Harry all curtsy for Queen Elizabeth II.

“Here’s the truth,” the countess revealed. “You actually don’t have to do a curtsy or bow your head. There is no law, no rule book, and no royal punishment if you don’t curtsy.” While the etiquette of when to curtsy, and who to bow to first, can be overwhelming, the stakes aren’t very high. “You’re not about to be sent to the Tower of London,” said Montagu. “It’s a choice, and it's entirely up to you.”

Christine Ross is a freelancer writer, royal expert, broadcaster and podcaster. She's worked with news outlets including the BBC, Glamour, Talk TV, ET, PBS, CNN and 20/20 to cover the foremost royal events of the last decade, from Prince George’s birth to the coronation of King Charles III.

She previously served as co-host of Royally Us, a weekly royal podcast by Us Weekly. As a freelance writer and royal commentator she provides expert commentary, historical context and fashion analysis about royal families worldwide, with an emphasis on the British Royal Family.