11 Great Books About Non-Monogamy, Whether You're Curious or Considering It
These novels and memoirs explore couples, throuples, and open relationships—and all their complexities.
When you're looking to get lost in a book, sometimes you need your reading material to match your mood. With Marie Claire's series "Buy the Book," we do the heavy lifting for you. We're offering curated, highly specific recommendations for whatever you're looking for—whether you're in your feels or hooked on a subgenre trending on #BookTok.
Maybe there’s something in the air, or we’re deep in a Couples Therapy rewatch, but it seems like ethical non-monogamy is everywhere in pop culture. From Olivia Wilde’s new comedy The Invite and book-to-screen adaptations like Netflix’s Vladimir to plenty of polyamory podcasts, the topic of inviting a person(s) into a coupleship is proudly out in the open.
And why shouldn’t it? Folks have been widening their romantic circle for decades (hello, key parties). Perhaps a holdover from that horny, halcyon post-COVID era, people are increasingly interested in experimenting to find what works for them. According to a 2023 YouGov survey, a third of U.S. adults consider an ideal relationship to be non-monogamous in some fashion.
Authors are also flocking to the topic. Recent hit novels have delved into the minds of romantic partners, and memoirs and non-fiction books are providing blueprints for entering such arrangements—or for whether they can actually work. Whether you’re a fiction or nonfiction fan, and no matter where you stand on ENM, there’s a book about polyamore for you. Below, check out the best books about entering, maintaining, and in some cases, leaving an open relationship.
You may recognize Lindy West’s name from her wildly popular essay collection, Shrill, which Hulu adapted for TV. Now, the comedian returns with a memoir about her marriage, going poly and getting intimate with her sexuality. Having moved to L.A. for Shrill’s Hollywood production, West feels anything but successful. Faced with unrealistic beauty ideals, West, a champion of body positivity, is battling some major insecurities. Then, once home in Seattle, her husband expresses interest in officially opening their marriage. Oh, and if that’s not enough: She needs braces.
In an effort to make sense of these developments, West embarks on a one-woman road trip from Seattle to Key West and back. Debriefing on reflections and roadside attractions alike, West undergoes a personal reckoning. Rebuilding her confidence and stumbling upon joy in unexpected places, West recounts her journey from midlife crisis to finding new meaning in her marriage. Told in West’s hilarious voice, this memoir is one to live with. From heart-wrenching confessions to newfound empowerment, West provides readers with an unflinching peek into growing up and growing into yourself.
No matter if you’re poly-curious, already open, or in a happily closed ‘ship, Deepa Paul’s memoir is for everyone. Formatted to resemble QA (with a very cool friend/big sister), Paul addresses some of the most common questions she’s asked about her open marriage.
Living in Amsterdam with her husband and a teenage daughter, Paul tackles tough topics throughout the book, like her childhood in the Philippines, the infidelity that led to her open marriage, and, as the title promises, how it all works. Written in captivating, at times lyrical prose, Paul bares it all in an unsparing review of the beauty and challenges their open marriage has invoked, while providing practical guidance on helping find the best relationship dynamic for you. But a warning: There are mentions of domestic violence in this book. If that’s a topic you wish to avoid, pick up another recommendation on this list.
The iconic handbook on everything poly, The Ethical Slut is a tactical guide for folks interested in open relationships, polycules and more. Providing updated insights on managing biases, housing logistics, and communication styles, this book offers solutions and suggestions for maintaining healthy, respectful relationships. And honestly, it’s not just for people who want to be open; readers in all sorts of ‘ships can benefit from checking out the book. From tips on conflict resolution, navigating jealousy, and learning how to step into your most authentic self—labels and stigmas be damned—The Ethical Slut belongs on pretty much everyone’s bookshelf. Perfect for perusing with your partner(s) or dipping in for some expert support, the book has it all.
Is it possible to future-proof your marriage? Mitch and Jessica Butler sure hope so. Shaken by the divorces of their three closest couple friends, they decide to get ahead of any issues and open up their marriage—with rules: no repeats and no one they know. As Mitch struggles to embrace their arrangement, Jessica plunges into the deep end, hooking up with a hot bartender. Soon, the Butlers begin to skirt the rules, jeopardizing their marriage and leaving them to wonder whether the experiment is helping or hurting their relationship.
A bingeable read if there ever was, Last Couple Standing is a comedic glimpse at the inner workings of a couple attempting (and at times, failing) to thwart issues before they arise. A ripper of a novel, you’ll breeze through the pages of this warm-hearted book in no time.
One of the buzziest debuts of the year from former Forever Magazine editor Madeline Cash, Lost Lambs features the Flynns, a family on the brink of disaster. Catherine Flynn, matriarch of the clan, wants to open her marriage. After spending time with her charismatic neighbor, she begins to see that Bud, her husband, hasn't been fulfilling her needs for a while. So, she gives Bud an ultimatum: open marriage or divorce. Bud opts for the former. As tensions flare between Catherine and Bud, their three daughters push boundaries, embark on scandalous relationships, and uncover problematic business practices of their father’s employer. (Yeah, you read that right.) The five spiral in and out of one another’s orbit, colliding at the most inopportune times, producing an unexpected side effect: acceptance.
Rich, vibrant, and wonderfully absurd, Lost Lambs depicts the impact of one open marriage on a family of unique individuals. Frequently compared to Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections, Cash turns up the volume on the family novel. Even better: It’s clear she had fun doing it. With quirks, swerves and surprises, Lost Lambs is a whimsical romp you won’t want to put down.
Hear us when we say with our whole chests: Moms are sexual beings. More, Molly Roden Winter’s debut memoir, delves into Winter’s exploration into an open marriage with her husband, Stewart. Frustrated and overwhelmed from caring for her children, juggling work and showing up as a wife, Winter grappled with her identity as a mother and sexual being. So, after a chance encounter with a stranger at a bar, Molly and Stewart open their marriage. What comes next is a heartfelt exploration of Winter’s pursuit toward reclaiming her sexuality, confronting the roles society assigns to women, and defining herself on her own terms.
Less of a how-to guide and more a meditation on one woman’s experience of an open marriage, Winter doesn’t skimp on the details of her steamy encounters or her conflicting feelings as her husband ventures into the dating pool. Ideal for readers of all stripes, More is an honest field report on the raw vulnerability it takes to remain present in one’s marriage while pursuing pleasure from multiple partners.
Though it may not look like it, loneliness has invaded Chris and Kathryn’s long-term relationship. Having been together for nine years, the couple has developed a shorthand for their communications, sharing every emotion, including who they have crushes on. So, when Chris mentions his attraction to Emily, Kathryn encourages him to explore it. Their foundation is strong, Kathryn thinks. As Chris and Emily get to know each other and Kathryn broadens her search for pleasure, they encounter blowback from their inner circle. Kathryn’s best friend is firmly against the new arrangement, foisting stereotypes and assumptions. Meanwhile, Chris struggles with his desire to return to the comfort of a monogamous relationship with Kathryn and pursue his feelings for Emily.
Told through dual perspectives, readers get to be a fly on the wall as this couple initiates a new phase of their relationship. But as they evolve as individuals, do they still make sense as a unit?
Award-winning journalist, Rachel Krantz knows a thing or two about reporting from the scene. In her debut memoir, she turns the lens inward, focusing on her foray into polyamory during her hot and heavy relationship with Adam, who’s uninterested in monogamy. Showing off her journalism chops, Krantz pairs research and expert interviews with her personal experience. The approach works terrifically, providing at once ground-floor and birds-eye views on her relationship and its toll. While Krantz recalls spicy encounters, she also pulls back the curtain on manipulation and emotional abuse that can occur under the guise of polyamory.
A look at toxic relationships, the incredible support of the polyamory community and dominant and submissive dynamics, Krantz bundles her well-documented (seriously—transcripts and texts are involved) accounts with an honest look at how some relationships can thrive in a poly dynamic, while others merely collapse.
There’s no singular way to grieve. Unmoored by her mother’s death, Frances and her husband, Ben, decide to experiment with polyamory after having a threesome. Benched during COVID, the couple finally explores what else is out there, often bringing in a range of partners and flirtations. But while some encounters are downright hot, others aren’t worth the squeeze. A fresh take on making marriage work in the modern age, Ben and Frances navigate various bumps in the road, learning more about each other and themselves. But when Ben develops feelings for another woman, and Frances starts to yearn for a baby, the couple must assess their lifestyle and if it’s serving them as much as they’d hoped.
Told through a variety of perspectives, readers gain a front-row seat to the beginning of Frances and Ben’s relationship, while also hearing from some of the lovers they bring into their current dynamic. For fans of The Fates and Furies, Gunk or Perfection, this multi-narrative is one not to miss.
So often, love is qualified by sacrifice. But Cat St. Claire refuses to compromise when it comes to her happiness. The 24-year-old is pursuing her MFA in creative writing at American University in D.C. while working on a novel about her parents’ relationship.
Her upbringing is a cautionary tale; Cat dreams of living fully and authentically, without apologies or explanations. After all, she lives in a world constructed to repel the wants of a Black young woman. So she tries to satisfy all her desires. Feeling caged by her long-distance relationship with Jay, Cat suggests they open their relationship. At first unconvinced, Jay complies, and the couple sets up some ground rules to keep the arrangement ethical, like who (if anyone) is off-limits. For example, Cat agrees not to come within kissing distance of his best friend Tristan, a PhD candidate living in D.C. But Cat can’t resist the toe-curling tension she feels around Tristan—and his girlfriend, Nia.
As love triangles shift, deeper questions emerge around race, women’s pleasure, and the cultural landscape that can dictate even the most intimate moments in someone’s life. Rooted in real-world ongoings, this isn’t your typical frothy rom-com, but rather a smart literary romance that doesn’t shy away from the big questions (or spice).
If you’ve been casting about for your book club’s next pick, look no further. The Arrangement is a hilarious, drama-packed novel brimming with lightning-speed dialogue and relatable characters. Having left Brooklyn for the Hudson Valley, Lucy and Owen are excited to kick off their new chapter. The couple and their young son on the autism spectrum settle into a pleasant rhythm: Lucy chops kale while Wyatt, her son, nurses his obsession with the Titanic. She and Owen attend dinner parties. At one such party, another couple announces they’ve opened their marriage. Inspiration strikes: Lucy and Owen agree to open their marriage for six months, thinking the short timeline will help them dodge any issues. But you know what they say about plans: make them, and somebody laughs.
As Lucy and Owen confront obstacles both as a couple and individuals seeking alternative partners, they learn that their plan isn’t as cut-and-dry as they’d hoped. Each will have to decide if, in fact, the grass is greener. A television writer (and seasoned novelist), Sarah Dunn slingshots scenes and one-liners with confidence, delivering complicated characters who’ll make you full-belly laugh.
