Madonna's New Beyoncé/Rihanna/Nicki Minaj/Miley Cyrus/Katy Perry-Laden Video Is Here
Must watch.
Update 2, 6/17: It's here but only figuratively here, because thanks to Jay Z's mission to save the world from easily accessible music, you can only watch the video for "Bitch I'm Madonna" on Tidal.
From what we can gather, there is a rave and a lot of neon. Miley Cyrus has glitter panda eyes. Katy Perry is there. Beyoncé makes a box around her head. Alexander Wang! Madge throws a shot down Jon Kortajarena's throat, which has got to burn. They all lip-sync the title of the song super close to the camera so you can't tell whose schedule didn't allow them to make the shoot. Not being able to watch the whole thing without paying $5,103,734 a month really blows, but at least we've got the YouTube version for now.
Update, 6/17: There is twerking in a corner. There is four-legged twerking. There is crab-walk twerking. There is downward-dog twerking. There is alone twerking, which will most likely be offset by some group twerking.
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Original post, 6/16: YAAAAASSSSSSS. Madonna and her brigade of "hard werking bitches" are personally working on a new music video for us, which explains why the time stamp on this blessed tweet is 4:25 a.m.
Video coming soon! Just tryin to make it perfect for all of you❤️😄❤️😓❤️😁 we are hard werking bitches! #bitchimmadonna pic.twitter.com/BCPuVK5lHJJune 16, 2015
DO YOU SEE THE NAMES? How did they decide the order? (Madonna gets top billing, then Nicki because she's in the song, BUT WHY IS BEYONCE FOURTH? WHEN IS BEYONCE EVER FOURTH? Also, yeah, sorry about Alicia Keys.) How will they fit all their hair into one frame? Will there be synchronized twerking? The visual is expected to drop today, so let's just try to keep our brains from exploding until then, deal?
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Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at Marie Claire. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.