This is a wonderful time of year because of the Men's NCAA Basketball Tournament. My brackets that I filled out are absolutely horrible, but watching all these games has been really exciting.
Of course rebounding is a really important part of the game, and it's interesting to see who comes up with the ball after it careens off the rim and descends towards the mob. It occurred to me how dangerous it is for a woman if she's on the rebound in the dating world.
I'll admit, guys do say that if a girl is "on the rebound," it might be easy to hook up with her. Rebounding occurs after someone has broken up, or even if he/she is still in a relationship. People can be on the rebound if they are being hurt, or if they've decided that the relationship is about to end.
Those of us who are released back into the dating world can react in different ways. They can react like that old guy in Shawshank Redemption-- he had gotten so used to prison, that he couldn't live any other way. Now, I'm not saying a relationship is like prison, but living in a relationship is different than living single. If you get too comfortable in a long-term relationship, you may be very confused when it ends, and you may seek companionship at any cost.
I react the other way to being released back into the dating world: I take a while to reflect and try not to get involved in anything for a while. Women do this as well-I'll hear from a girl's friend: "she's not looking for anything right now, she just got out of a long term relationship."
The other night I was sad to hear that a friend of mine had been hooking up with a lot of guys randomly. I met up with her in a bar and observed her scanning the crowd eagerly:
"What are you looking for," I asked.
"Guys," she answered.
I told her it was OK to go home alone once in a while, but she argued with me.
"Well, I'm young, I should take advantage of that and live my life to the fullest," she said.
After more arguing she got down to:
"Well, I'm just having fun, it doesn't mean anything."
Then I pushed her more to see if she'd give me a better reason for her recent behavior, and she finally said it:
"Well, I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend."
Finally...the truth. So, here was a friend on a major rebound. Eventually, some shady dude slithered in and they went home together. The two had been seeing one another for a bit, but of course this was not meant to be.
That night, while making out, he called her the wrong name. She was so drunk at the time, that she was afraid she was going to forget that he had committed such an offensive act. So, she took a moment and texted to herself:
"Called me the wrong name. He's done."
Hopefully, she woke up the next day and read that text and did some thinking.
Successful relationships occur when both people are acting selflessly with no ulterior motives. And all of those hookups that happen because one of, or both of, the people involved just need someone because they are rebounding, or at some strange point in their lives, probably fizzle out after a while.
The rebound poses the question: is it possible that a girl could be with me, not because she likes me, but because she needs me at the time our paths cross? Does it really matter who I am at all?
Is it safe to say that most relationships that start when one of the participants is rebounding don't last? Do both participants need to be at completely selfless points in their lives, free of rebound, or need for vindication from another, for the relationship to succeed? Have you ever behaved differently because you were rebounding?