6 Types of Humor That Won't Work with the Ladies

Women tell me that sense of humor/ability to make them laugh is number one on their list for attraction — even higher than appearance.

Have I managed to find the incorrect type of humor to attract women? If I was doing it the right way, maybe I'd have lots of dates.

I won't give in and say my other features (appearance, income, etc.) are so horrible that they are trumping my sense of humor.

So, something is off about my sense of humor, and I have to figure out what it is. To do this, I'm going to do a little audit of my main go-tos:

Self-Deprecation

I'm much more comfortable when I'm making fun of myself and highlighting how everything goes wrong for me. I think this can be endearing, because I love people who can laugh at themselves, and we can all wallow in our mutual lameness.

But I may be overdoing it because my buddy is always telling me to ease up on the self-deprecation when we are out, when I'm talking to a girl about how I don't have enough money, my teams always lose, I'm bad in bed, and my jeans feel too tight. Come to think of it, that's pretty bad.

Bathroom Humor

Growing up with my sisters, I learned that they are just as gross as I am...actually maybe not — I pride myself on being particularly gross.

I recently bought a fart machine, and my buddy and I laugh at it every time we press the button. OK, maybe that's a little lowbrow and simple, but it is quite joyous.

My repertoire of bathroom humor goes well beyond farts, but because my sisters and girlfriends think that stuff is funny, I occasionally get in trouble talking about it in front of women.

Quirky, Off-Kilter Quotes and References

I love quoting movies, especially bad ones.

There's this awful movie called The Room, written, directed, starring, and produced by the bush-league actor Tommy Wiseau. My buddies and I are obsessed and can't stop quoting the movie...but it's so underground, most women are just confused when I quote it.

Other movies I love to quote are Airplane, any Mel Brooks, Lord of the Rings trilogy, and also random movies that my sisters and I grew up watching.

The problem with this brand of humor is that most people don't get it — it's a little bit too niche.

Blasé Attitude

I deal with crisis by finding the humor in it. One time my buddy and I ran out of gas (after he told me to fill up the tank), and he got out of the car, kicked the tires, and freaked out. I, on the other hand, laughed and reveled in the adventure that was about to take place.

Women find this attitude either refreshing and fun or extremely frustrating. I'm hoping to find a woman who handles crisis like me, but I don't know if she's out there.

Girl Moments

I make many female jokes at my own expense: I'm not feeling beautiful, I'm having a bad hair day, these pants make me look fat. It might be funny, but I'm also acting like one of the girls.

Physical Craziness

I have a thing I do with my friend called Modern Art. We'll be at a party, and I'll fall to the ground and freeze in some strange position. He acts as art critic, inspecting me from every angle.

That friend and I also freestyle on the streets: walk up to an inanimate object and perform a dance move against it, then move on. Women always beg us to freestyle, but they never go home with us.

Dancing doesn't work for me either. One time I spotted a cute girl in the corner of a bar and approached her, uncorking a smooth, rollicking personal Riverdance for her like a court jester entertaining a king. She said: "I love it, keep going." So I did...and then she patted me on the head like a pet and said: "I'm going home with my boyfriend now, bye."

Most guys are stoic, don't' smile much, are mysterious, and not even nice most of the time — but they get the girls. So, I don't understand why women say they want a guy who makes them laugh. I make women laugh; that's one thing I can do.

So, I'm either making them laugh the wrong way or women don't really want a guy who makes them laugh. Or, maybe I'm entertaining but not showing enough of a serious side.

Is sense of humor very important for you in a guy? What kind of sense of humor is attractive, and what kind is a turnoff? What should I use more of, from the list above?