13 Things That Happen When You Sleep Over at Someone's Place for the First Time
Oh, you need eight hours? Good luck with that.
That first night sleeping over is a Big Deal for three reasons: 1) You get to see how the other half lives, 2) You can rate their cuddling capabilities, and 3) You can start imagining what it'd be like to do this more than, you know, once. Jumping the gun? Pfh, you try living with a person who sleeps like a starfish.
Here, we've captured all the weird, exhausting, and kinda judge-y moments that can happen during your first night together. Have fun (and you've been warned).
Makeup, extra underwear, condoms, birth control, oversized sweater, pajama pants, toothbrush, toothpaste, socks, hairspray, bra, deodorant, brush, night cream, moisturizer, flats, heels, boots, jacket, towel, crackers, water bottle, book, laptop, laptop charger, cell phone, cell phone charger, kindle (you know, in case you have downtime), extra snacks, Visine...and the other 3,439,034 things you just can't live without. Hey, you don't come just to play—you are prepared.
Seriously, a Bob Marley poster hung up with thumbtacks? Unless we've somehow traveled back in time to Berkley hall and we're 18 again, it's time to upgrade, dude.
No, really, when was the last time they washed these sheets?
He's seen you naked, but for some reason sleeping nude just makes you feel so...exposed. And suddenly you're pulling a Christina: *Don't look at me.*
From the mattress (it's like sleeping on bricks), to the comforter (what the hell is this scratchy nightmare?), getting comfy in a bed that is not your bed is always a struggle. Add in the fact that you just found out your bedmate LOVES to spoon (can you not?), and it's like you've just become a game show contestant on "No Sleep for You Tonight."
Celebrity news, beauty, fashion advice, and fascinating features, delivered straight to your inbox!
ALWAYS.
"Damnit, where is my underwear?!"
It's 6 a.m. You can either pretend to sleep for the next hour and stay awake plotting your escape or you could get up now and show up early to the office, only to lose steam come 3 p.m. At this point, life sucks.
This is why you came with your one-night stand survival kit! Kristen Wiig from Bridesmaids is your spirit animal.
Remember, theirs is just as rancid—if not more so—than yours. No one wakes up smelling like daffodils with the breath of an angel.
And so begins the oh-sorry-did-you-need-the-bathroom-OMG-you-heard-everything-didn't-you-let's-pretend-nothing-happened-just-gonna-keep-smiling morning encounter.
S.O.S. You had one—ONE—glass of pinot noir, and this is what happens? Pass the ibuprofen and close the damn blinds. It's like jet lag—only worse.
He goes for the cheek, you go for the quick hug...only to be left stammering and awkwardly waving. Okay, cool, byeeeee.
You should also check out:
9 Things That Happen to Everyone During Sex (but Nobody Talks About)
When I'm not stalking future-but-never-going-to-happen husbands on Facebook, you can catch me eating at one of NYC's B-rated or below dining establishments—A-rated restaurants are for basics. Fun fact: Bloody Marys got me into eating celery on the regular. And for your safety, please do not disturb before 10 a.m. or coffee, whichever comes first.